Waiting for 'Star Wars': If you can't stand it anymore, buy some more merch

Palm Coast Observer
Opinion

I like to play a game when I go to the store: How many steps can I take before I get to the next “Star Wars” merchandise display?

The other day, as I was in line to buy some plastic "Star Wars" cups for my kids (well, I’ll probably keep the retro Han Solo cup), I noticed that the woman next to me in the checkout line was buying some “Star Wars” mascara. Not sure if it was the Princess Leia edition, or the Chewbacca edition.

I’ve also been tempted by the sun visor that you put on your dashboard and makes everyone think they are looking into the “windshield” of the Millenium Falcon, with Luke and Han Solo and the gang ready to almost jump into hyperspace.

My kids almost convinced me to buy R2D2 salt-and-pepper shakers for my wife for Christmas. I imagined her unwrapping the gifts and giggling with delight. “How funny!” she would say. “These are adorable! Beep beep oop bop! Hahahaha!”

But I put them back on the shelf becuase I knew that, in reality, that’s how I would react, not her. Better just hope she sees them and buys them for me instead. And I better put this Darth Vader lawn ornament back, as well.

Is there any way the movies can live up to the hype? We can only hope that J.J. Abrams, who did a fantastic job with the “Star Trek” reboots, will rescue the series and help us to forget we ever met Jar Jar Binks.

Every night for the past week, I’ve had the same nightmare: that Rotten Tomatoes gave “The Force Awakens” 8% favorable reviews. I’d wake up in a cold sweat and frantically reach for my phone to check for sure. Then I’d shake my wife’s shoulder to wake her up, and, as she looked up at me with fear in her eyes — or maybe it’s just that she’s blinded by the flashlight app — I’d reassure her: “Don’t worry. There aren’t any reviews of ‘Star Wars’ yet. So there’s still hope. A new hope, in fact, that it could be good.”

Then I’d stretch my arms and let out a wookie-like yawn and hug my Yoda doll as I drift back to sleep, where I can continue gliding through the stars, looking for an asteroid to land on.