- April 25, 2024
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Every year, I lay out the facts:
1. Pumpkins are heavy. Why bother loading them into the house in the first place?
2. Pumpkins are full of hairy, orange slime. Why do you want to touch that?
3. You think you will be able to carve a fancy design into the face, but it will end up looking nothing like what you saw on Pinterest.
4. After you’re done, the carved pumpkin will immediately begin to rot and remind us of our own mortality.
Did you carve pumpkins this year? Send your photos to [email protected].
Every year, I suggest an alternative: Instead of carving the pumpkins, let’s use a Sharpie! Draw a face, and you’re done in two minutes, with no mess. Everybody’s happy!
“Eww,” my 9-year-old son, Grant, says, as he scoops out each handful of pumpkin guts. “Gross! Nasty!”
“OK, OK,” my wife, Hailey, says. “Let’s not comment on it every time.”
This year, as with every year, my facts do not sway anyone. My Sharpie alternative is rejected.
“I really want to wash my hands,” my 5-year-old daughter, Ellie, says halfway through, scrunching up her nose and examining the orange gunk under her fingernails. “Why can’t I use a spoon?”
“Because the spoon doesn’t get it all,” Hailey says. “You have to grab it.”
“It’s like putting your hand in liquid blood,” Grant says, getting into full Halloween gross-out mode.
“All blood is liquid,” I say from a distance. “And you know, if you don’t like getting your hands slimy, we could have just used Sharpies!”
I say “from a distance” because every year I find something else to do during this activity. I wash dishes. I straighten up the house, conveniently avoiding the carnage on the dining room table. And every year, I end up with a knife in my hand, helping to carve the pumpkins, after all.
“Are you sure you don’t want to just make a really big smiley face?” I ask. “That would be a lot easier.”
But Grant wants detail in the face. He wants 18 tiny slivers to show contour and emotion. And, when it’s all complete, and the kids are grinning in the candlelight of their creations, I remind myself that it’s all worth it because we just made some fun memories as a family. That, and in a few more days, I’ll be able to eat all their trunk-or-treat candy when they’re asleep.
